April Showers bring May Flowers

     It never ceases to amaze me how fast time flies by.  A lot happened last month, both good and bad.  Kyle turned 24 years old!  What an old man ;)  We had a great time celebrating his birthday, the birthdays of four of his siblings and my little sisters birthday!  Busy month for our families.  It was great to be with them all and to celebrate those special days with them.
     Kyle and I experienced a loss on April 4th.  I had a miscarriage.  I was 3 days short of 10 weeks and even though I wasn't that far along, all the feelings of excitement, joy and hope died as well.  I spent a lot of time praying about whether or not it was the right thing for Kyle and I to do, to try and have a baby...I had felt an assurance and peace that what we were doing was a righteous and worthy desire.  I had such a good feeling about it that I just assumed that all would go well.  The truth is, we can never really see what the Lord has in plan for us because in the tapestry of life we are only a couple of threads.  Only our Father in heaven can see the whole work of art.  Only he can really see what is best for us and help us understand that we need to just trust in him and have faith. 
    I felt like my heart was broken.  I felt so sure that because I had received a positive answer that nothing would go wrong with our baby.  I was sure that things would be easy.  Afterwards, as I struggled to understand why I had miscarried,  all I felt was confusion.  Confusion about why it had happened.  Confusion about why there were so many precious babies born into horrible situations with parents that didn't love or nurture them, when Kyle and I were here ready, willing and desiring to have our own baby, why it happened to us.  I felt like one in a million and that no one knew the grief and disappointment that I felt. 
     Then I remembered there was one who would understand.  So I prayed.  I prayed not for understanding, but for healing.  I knew that I needed to trust in my Savior that for whatever reason we lost our baby, it was necessary and that's all that I need to worry about right now.  I read and reread my favorite scripture, one that has brought me much comfort in the past, but that has new meaning and importance to me now.  Alma 7:11 says:

11. And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

     I came to KNOW that the atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ is not only to be forgiven, but to be healed both physically and spiritually.  Because of my Savior I was healed.  He lifted me up and carried me through.  He made life good again.

     I don't know what will happen in the future, and I can't begin to guess because anything is a possibility.  One thing I do know, however, is that no matter what my Savior and brother Jesus Christ will be there to raise me up and carry me through.  That is the power of the atonement.